my past catching up to my present

now more than ever i am feeling the effects of not being able to play an instrument. to not be able to sit down and pick up (in this case my guitar), and play is just torture. it's a beautiful friday afternoon and all i want do is play some music..and i cant. and i cant explain this agony. pure agony

i didnt think it would be like this, i didnt know that one day it would mean so much to be able to play. the liberation..but now that i do, i am either trying to teach myself or have someone b/c i cant go on like this. i literally cant. it is no longer enough to be able to just listen.