The Onion criticism

Dear The Onion,

As a huge Onion fan, i am sickened by this article. I usually have nothing but praise for you but shit like this makes my head n stomach turn n is where i become really... 'conservative' n sensible. Nothing nothing NOTHING at all remotely funny about this, distasteful and i have to voice my criticism here for involving children and a very innocent part about growing up.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/perverted-little-boy-asks-to-sleep-with-parents,35859/

I already am re-writing this article to make it funny. Rough draft in my head.

Cell Phones

Perhaps cell phones represent your life a bit.

The big iPhone 10S's or whatever.... the glitzy app laden, fancy phones.... those are for people on the Go. Really doin it, complicated/ every app for a complicated dizzy busy fizzy life! They simplify of course, but they simplify the complicated. Had to be busy from the on set.

The simpler phones however, they are for old people. While I have seen old people use iPhones, most elderly people I see have simple, talk only flip phones. With the giant buttons.

They dont need or have any use for apps b/c their lives are much slower paced and... routine. This is not concrete fact of course just random thoughts from this morning.

The Behemoth that is Facebook.

What with the new 'trending' on the right side of your homescreen newsfeed page, you can see top trending stories like Twitter.

Facebook's really converted from an autobiographical based 'social' website to a more encompassing ever broadening 'news one'.

I am neither praising nor criticizing just an observation.
In other words you didnt used to go on facebook to get World news or that Crimea is in jeopardy again etc..

In efforts to 'amend' this or... Just my own advice/ suggestion, I would recommend facebook choose top stories from your friends. Like put the most 'liked' or whatever over in that right box 'trending'. Or mix it in... that would be interesting and more true to facebook 'form'. Whatever